the better person project

Speaking of dreams, I have quite a lot. I don't just want to write. I want to have bright white teeth. I want to be a marathon runner. I want to be a wonderful attorney. I want to fall in love. I want to be a mom. I want to be nicer to my own mom (as simple as that may seem). I want to be a good aunt. I want to lose fifteen pounds. I want to travel the world. I want to do more. I want to be more. These are really just a few of my dreams and if you're anything like me--or human, for that matter--you probably have some of the same ones and at least that many. We all do, let's not kid ourselves. But, like I said, a lot of us don't act on them. Well, this summer is the summer of change. I've decided to "do better."

Now, I know what you're probably thinking: yeah, okay. I say that every other day. Well, so do I. In fact, I've said it every other day for the past I-don't-know-how-many years. And I'm only so old. It's practically my mantra. Well, pardon my french, but...to hell with that. I'm sick of repeating the same words over and over and over again. It's mechanical, meaningless, flavorless. Those words used to be fighting words. Now they're the words you see plastered on spines in the self-help aisle. No thank you. I'm sick of saying, "I'll do it." Because what I really mean is, "I'll do it...later." My new mantra? "I am it."

Gandhi once said, "If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. . . . We need not wait to see what others do." Okay, you might have heard it this way: "Be the change you want to see in the world." Either way, it's a pretty powerful message. We have so much capacity in ourselves to change, to strive, to extend, to be better. But...we sit on our butts and blog (get it?). And, yeah, I might sound a little bit like those self-hell books but... maybe they're on to something? (shiver)

So, with that rambling introduction out of the way, I guess what I want to say is this: I'm ready. I'm too young and too old not to be who I want to be. Don't get me wrong...I wouldn't want to be anyone else. But I want to be as much as I can for as long as I'm here. Otherwise, I've just spent ninety years in front of the TV. And the prospect of having a soggy, sorry, pancaked, ninety-year-old ass just doesn't do it for me. So, here goes. This is the better person project.

The first step is the most immediately pressing: the running. I've always, always, always hated running. Loathed it, in fact. All that work and you just end up back at where you started. You're like a hamster in some hellish, freakishly large wheel of doom. Except, somewhere along the way I must have had a lobotomy because I started kind of digging the cardio. I mean, it kind of sucks sometimes but if you have the right tunes, the right scenery, and the right shoes, it can be kind of awesome. And the endorphin high afterward aint too shabby either. But, aye, here's the rub: I got some crazy notion that I could (gasp) be better and I signed up for my very first half marathon. So, here I am, three months before the big day, mad as a hatter, and...running. I have a plan. Me! A plan! It's a twelve-week training schedule for first timers and, as geeky as this sounds, I'm really pumped. I've been prepping for two months but with no real direction. But today I got serious and I ran further and faster than I have in years. And you want to know a secret? It felt good. After years, no, a lifetime of feeling a little bit less...I feel a little bit more. I know it's just one piece of the better person project, but boy it feels pretty dang good.

I'll keep you updated. Those of you out there with nothing better to do.

In the mean time...

I'm flossing.